“I thought Marcus was going to be in my life forever. Then I thought I was wrong. Now he’s back. But this time I know what’s certain: Marcus will be gone again, and back again and again and again because nothing is permanent. Especially people. Strangers become friends. Friends become lovers. Lovers become strangers. Strangers become friends once more, and over and over. Tomorrow, next week, fifty years from now, I know I’ll get another one-word postcard from Marcus, because this one doesn’t have a period signifying the end of the sentence. Or the end of anything at all.” - Megan McCafferty, Charmed Thirds
Never has a quote related to my life as much as it does right now. I remember reading these books throughout my high school/college experience and almost feeling as if I was Jessica Darling going through all that awkward adolescence, trying to find herself. That’s why this series will always hold a special place in my heart and I hope one day I can create something on the same level that other young women can relate to, like McCafferty has.
Anyways, to say my life has suddenly become complicated is the understatement of the year. Well, I’m overdramatizing it, but still it all feels very dramatic. You know how sometimes you know going down a certain path is a really bad idea, but do it anyway? Yeah, that’s what this is. You already know it will end in disaster and you will end up getting hurt, but pursue it anyways. So, why do we do that to ourselves? Maybe because there’s a small, naive part of us that is hopeful that we’ll be proven wrong. There’s that part of you, usually your head that tells you to just walk away, but then there’s that better part of you, your heart that usually drowns out your common sense and without choice all those feelings are suddenly back. Then you realize somewhere down the line that they never really left.
It was only a few months ago that my friends hated him. So, naturally it’s not weird to assume that they’d be the first ones to talk me out of going down this road again. But no, all of a sudden he’s their favorite person. I hate them, but really I don’t because I’m blessed to have friends who are supportive of me and know regardless that I wouldn’t have listened anyways. It’s always nice to have friends who don’t or won’t say “I told you so” or be judgmental, thinking that they would handle the situation differently even though they themselves have never been in that position. I’ve had that in my life before and it’s not fun. People like that, while sometimes are well intentioned, often times still bring you down. It’s nice to no longer have people close to me who are like that, especially in this situation, because I’ve done a lot of my own trying to talk myself out of everything. And clearly it’s not working. Not even a little bit.
As I told myself to tread slowly, my heart didn’t seem to get the memo and here I am with this stupid smile on my face whenever I think of him.
Lame, right? Thanks, feelings! I’m thoroughly enjoying your torture. It’s great, really especially since I have Taylor Swift’s Sparks Fly album on repeat.
Ugh.
